Mirrors

I, like many people have a Facebook Page. I have very mixed emotions on Facebook but that is for another post, I am going to try and stay on point right now. At any rate there is this guy from the town I grew up in on my friend list, and like many of the people from my hometown, his name rings a faint bell off in the distance. I have no memories of him. I have a weird memory to say the least. It is like an onion, there are many layers, Some people I remember vividly others their names ring a bell and others it's like who the f? Well his name rings that bell I mentioned and that's pretty much it. So to get to the point off and on he has sent me little one or two line emails as if he were checking in? I am really not sure. I noticed one from him last week or so and got around to opening it today and he went on to tell me the reason he was writing is because he knows that I have been through hell and therefor should have an open mind and not judge him and he feels free to vent to me and went on doing just that.
I started to answer him, to divulge a little of myself to him, as my fingers were tapping the keys it occurred to me that I would rather blog about that than share it with someone who....(gotta love the back space button) at any rate I was going to tell him
Yes, my life has been an uphill climb. I have experienced every outcome in battle (yes even death, yet again another post) I have quite a few scars. I might look to you like I am strong, you may wonder how I ever had the strength to carry on? How did I live through all of this? .....Looks dear  are often deceiving . I have not always had the strength in fact  just the opposite. There were times I was so weak and without courage I tried to die, and there were times that others have tried to kill me. But it seems that I am in quite the quandary...wandering in no mans land. That place where life doesn't want you and death wont accept you and you are left alone with you, unable or unwilling ( maybe a bit of both) to go back where you came from, or to go down any road that's already been traveled yet dying to get back home....
It occurred to me that lately home is the last place as well as the only place that I want to be and that I am extremely lonely yet don't want to connect with anyone and am doing all that I can to push the person I live with away, out whatever...Its crazy to me how someone can go from everything you have ever wanted  and exactly what you needed to the one you cant live with but are afraid to live without?
I know. Look first into your own mirror, before you try showing up in someone elses........