why

Often times I find myself wondering why things are the way they are. What did I do to deserve this life? Am I paying Karma from a different lifetime or is it that I am catching the Karma my ancestors left? Or is it simply that life is fucking hard and I let my emotions run my mouth? I honestly think its a combination, life is hard, my ancestors were evil and I don't know when to shut my mouth. This picture is symbolic to me. It says shut up before I cut your tongue out! In reality it was taken a few Turkey Days back when my ex husband was too lazy to cut the turkey after I had cooked for 3 days, one of our guest mentioned that he should be cutting the turkey and I warned him nicely that he cant come sliding in at the last minute and  get credit for my hard work. Yes I know it was childish but hey I got a great picture out of it!
I've got a problem that I cant seem to solve, its human and its in the other room. I don't know how to get through to him and I'm tired of picking up where his mommy left off. I am not willing to put anymore of myself out there than I have already in fact  I'm recoiling, pulling back and shutting down. I am trapped behind the walls I erected to keep everyone out and I'm comfortable here. Thing is I am not comfortable with being comfortable here so I am going to change the direction of my ship, head out on a new course, choose a road I have never traveled and enjoy it to the fullest. No more misery lane I'm moving on up!